Sunday, February 19, 2006
Muli
muli
parokya ni edgar
kay bilis ng pangyayari
hindi ko namalayan
na ako'y iiwan palay mo ng ganunan
kahit na anong gawin
di kyang tanggapin ng puso't isipan
na ika'y lilisan
maaaring bang dinggin
ang natatangi kong hiling
sana ay makapiling ka
muli kang masilayan
at muli kang mahagkan
sana'y di na iwan pang muli
di ko sinasadya na ika ay masaktan
kaya sana naman na iyong maintindihan
na ako'y nagsisisi
at nangangako sayo
na hindi ka na huhula pa sa piling ko
maaaring bang dinggin
ang natatangi kong hiling
sana ay makapiling ka
muli kang masilayan
at muli kang mahagkan
sana'y di na iwan pang muli
di na ba mapagbibigyan
bakit di maunawaan
maaaring bang dinggin
ang natatangi kong hiling
sana ay makapiling ka
muli kang masilayan
at muli kang mahagkan
sana'y di na iwan pa
maaaring bang dinggin
ang natatangi kong hiling
sana ay patawarin mo
ako ay nagsisisi
at nangangako sayo
na hindi ka na huhula pang muli
s0metimes I wished s0me0ne out there will find me; x__X; 2/19/2006 02:12:00 PM
Nandito
nandito
parokya ni edgar
ilang taon n'ang nagdaan
di ko pa rin natitikman
na ang ikaw ay halikan
ooh at madama ang iyong kamay
hinahaplos aking mukha
hindi mo ba nakikita
na ako'y maghihintay
kailanpaman
hindi magbabago ikaw lang
ang laman ng puso ko
naalala mo pa ba
inaawitan pa kita
halos lahat ay nagawa
di mo pa rin naramdaman
kahit isang sulyap man lang
sana naman ay pagbigyan
at ako'y maghihintay
kailanpaman
hindi magbabago ikaw lang
ang laman ng puso ko
dapat malaman mo na ako'y mamamatay
kung di kita kapiling habang buhay
dapat malaman mo na ikaw lamang
ang siyang minamahal kailanman
at ako'y maghihintay
kailanpaman
hindi magbabago ikaw lang
ang laman ng puso ko
s0metimes I wished s0me0ne out there will find me; x__X; 2/19/2006 02:08:00 PM
Photobucket
s0metimes I wished s0me0ne out there will find me; x__X; 2/19/2006 02:05:00 PM
Thursday, January 12, 2006
Miss You Love
Millionaire say
Got a big shot deal
And thrown it all away but
But I'm not too sure
How I'm supposed to feel
Or what I'm supposed to say
But I'm not, not sure,
Not too sure how it feels
To handle every day
And I miss you love
Make room for the prey'
Cause I'm coming in
With what I wanna say but
It's gonna hurt
And I love the pain
A breeding ground for hate but...
I'm not, not sure,
Not too sure how it feels
To handle everyday
Like the one that just past
In the crowds of all the people
Remember today
I've no respect for you
And I miss you love
And I miss use love
I love the way you love
But I hate the way
I'm supposed to love you back
It's just a fad
Part of the teenage angst brigade and
I'm not, not sure,
Not too sure how it feels
To handle everyday
Like the one that just past
In the crowds of all the people
Remember today
I've no respect for you
And I miss you love
And I miss use love
Remember two days
I've no respect for you
And I miss you love
And I miss use love
I love the way you love
But I hate the way
I'm supposed to love you back
s0metimes I wished s0me0ne out there will find me; x__X; 1/12/2006 12:21:00 PM
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
Why I'm letting you go...
Somehow, deep down, I know I am falling for you. Somehow, however, I'm trying to bury them to the deepest recesses of my heart in the hope of vanquishing them forever.
------------------------------------------------
I was the ultimate cynic before I met you, and I know I shouldn’t be reminding you of this, because you know this so well. I was the girl who was terrified to commit, terrified to lay her heart out on the open, terrified to gamble, for the weirdest and most confusing reasons.
Actually, now that I had so much time to think about it, my phobia can actually be summed up in four words: fear of getting hurt. I am so petrified at the thought of getting hurt, that I made people believe that I regarded them closely, but actually dealt with them at arms' length. I never let anyone get close enough to hurt me. I originally planned to do the same with you. Of course, you wouldn't allow me.
You were unlike any guy I've ever met before. Well, you were antipatiko and suplado, even maldita! You were a spoiled brat who was used to getting what he wanted in an instant. Admittedly, I was a spoiled brat too. So we clashed. You hated all the things that I loved, and I loathed all the things that interested you. It was a match made in hell. But somehow, for some unknown reason, you stayed put.
Not long after, somehow, someway, you managed to pull the rug off from under me. And before I even knew what was happening, I had been swept off my feet.
Somehow, deep down, I know I am falling for you. Somehow, however, I'm trying to bury them to the deepest recesses of my heart in the hope of vanquishing them forever.
Maybe I'll never forget you. Maybe I'll never live down the fact that I have you-but I'm letting you go. Was it that, or is it that I have you, but I'm not working hard, not fighting hard enough to make you stay? I don't know. I don't want to think, and I don't believe that now is the time to rationalize about these things. Because the truth of the matter is, I'm making you go way.
I hate living this life, knowing that I'll be thinking of these "what if's" for the rest of my life. I hate wishing that I could turn back time, so that I could correct all my mistakes, took all the risks I should have taken, and reached for your hand when you held it out for me. But it's too late for that, and it's not even plausible anyway.
I constantly have to remind myself that you've done your part in my life. You taught me the lesson you came to teach, so you have to leave. I have to move on. I shouldn't wait. But I can't help it.
God, I miss you so much.
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An excerpt from A Love Letter for The One Who Got Away of LySine from Peyups.com
A Love Letter for The One Who Got Away <--- clickie! ^_^
--------------------------------------------
I changed some lines there to make it more applicable in my situation...
so, this is for you... I wanted to tell you what I really feel but I dont have enough courage to break the glass between us... what is written here is the words I wanted to tell you long ago... this things making me sad, you know that, if you just let me choose the right time, then this would never happen... damn, I hate what's happening... and I just couldn't bare the feeling.. sheesh... =( I know a part of me dont want you to go away that's its hard for me to let you go that easy... I'm really sorry, I wish I could just let you go that easy inside me but I know I'm not... =(
s0metimes I wished s0me0ne out there will find me; x__X; 11/30/2005 09:35:00 PM
Thursday, November 03, 2005
Benefits of the doubt
as I rest my self from pain and deception, I see a life that could've been and could have not because of this crazy manouvering that were into... "why do you have to make things complicated?"
I ask that I shall have a new life, well, have to make it better... but not in this kind of way. you appear as a ghost that havent been known for a while, yes, doubting as of now maybe my greatest defense that I could give to my self... after this I'll be somewhat change or just be passive, and I mean it, really mean it...
changing a bit for someone would have been great but now it knocks to me as if Im wrong that I made such a move, trying to slow things that into us would be best as I can see for now....
s0metimes I wished s0me0ne out there will find me; x__X; 11/03/2005 07:47:00 PM
I wub tifa!!!

been collecting pictures from Final Fantasy VII - Advent Children.. weeh.. i wub tifa.. hehehe...
s0metimes I wished s0me0ne out there will find me; x__X; 10/24/2005 04:04:00 PM
what the? eerrrr...
hmmm.. im supposed to meet my friend at the school but she didnt show up.. errr... ive been waiting for almost 2 hours.... sheesh... then after i stayed at the cafe, our adviser told me that she already passed our thesis.. errrr.. so what ive been doin to tyhe school all this time? fuck.... then this enrolment thing.. i hate it so much coz i dont have money yet.. fuck fuck fuck!!!
im so devastated....
s0metimes I wished s0me0ne out there will find me; x__X; 10/24/2005 03:57:00 PM
ERRRR
s0metimes I wished s0me0ne out there will find me; x__X; 10/24/2005 03:53:00 PM
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
Defense
We had a defense earlier, and it turn out good... weeeh.. our grade was 96... isnt that great? ^_^ we had some minor revisions to make.. oh well, at least not major or rejected... I love my colleagues, business partners ( in the future... XD), they're my groupmates actually.. ^_^ I love them really, and our ever so nice adviser who where there to support, help and protect us from the wolves that are ready to grab us anytime... XD ( did I exagerate too much? XD) the defense ran smoothly although there are still some revisions to make... ^_^
I'm pretty!!! yeah right, its true... XD I wore a skirt ( above the knee) because we are required to be in formal attire, and there was I, wearing a skirt and a blouse with some blush ons and lipstick... XD trying to walk like a full- pledged gurl.. wehehehe.. I look so great! you may think that I'm boasting too much, I am just saying the truth, ask the ones who sawme... ehehehe... weee!!! bad thing I dont have the picture with me to post... :(
this day was also scheduled for me to take the removal exam on integral calculus, I dont have the chance to have the exam today because of the defense... oh well, we ae scheduled again in thursday, hope I will pass... ^_^ wish me luck.. ^_^
s0metimes I wished s0me0ne out there will find me; x__X; 10/18/2005 07:24:00 PM
A Hard Day's Night
I am here, alone and thinking of the things that transpired in the past. I am smiling although my memories arent that gay as anyone would expect. Hurt, bitterness and being alone has been my company eversince, I dont know why, but being with them sets me apart from others, different in so many ways, ideas to studies; passive to cramming, diversing to others would have been my personality all along. It does came naturally, being a passive extrovert, I'm not sure on how did I become of that... XD
Looking back, I was hurt many times but now I am thankful because if not for those things I wouldn't be this tough as I may seem. Patience, courage and discipline has been my virtue that I am holding for all these times. It does transform a new developtment to a new being. Like now, something in me changed, quite too different from what I had seen a long time ago, things came out to be favorable for me. So now, I will take this floor as my new homeground for better...
My "Nightmare" whom I am thankful because I wouldn't be this way if not for that person. The way that person did me bad things and teaching me what being a traitor means. Now I realized that no matter how good your intentions are there will always be a shark ready to attack and eat you whole without knowing it. Salamat sa mga pasakit na ginawa mo sakin, kung hindi dahil don, wala ka ngayong makikita sa harapan mo na binago ng pagkakataon at kaya ka pang higitan sa lahat ng aspeto. Kung ano man ako ngayon ay pinapapasalamat ko sa iyo to, walang awang nilalang... My revenge wouldn't be this fun if not for you... ( maybe revenge has it's own good thing... XD)
At sayo, sa inyo... ikaw na nakakabasa nito nagyon, Salamat! dahil naging isa ka sa mga tumulong sakin para maitaas ulit ang moral ng aking pagkatao. Maaring hindi mo alintana ang mga pagkakataon na naging isa ka/ kayo sa mga dahilan ko para magbago ng tuluyan, kung hindi man, malaki kang parte kung ano ako ngayun kung hindi sa mga kagaguhan ninyo hindi ko magagawang magbago para sa iakakabuti ko. Nauunanwaan ko na wala sayong halaga ang pagkatao ko pero hayaan mo akong magpasalamat sa mga nagawa mong hindi ganon kahalaga para sayo. Alam ko, nababasa mo to ngayon at sana ay iyong mabatid na napakaswerte ko (swerte nga ba? XD) na nagkaroon ako ng mga kaibigan na tulad nyo... kung sino man kayo, Salamat... ^_^
Hmmmm... Did I become an Emo Kid? LOL... XD all that is written here came from the bottom of my heart.. XD
s0metimes I wished s0me0ne out there will find me; x__X; 10/17/2005 08:08:00 PM
Saturday, October 15, 2005
Semester Ends
today, semesters ends... I dont know if it has a smile, coz on my integral calculus I'm sure I failed my final exam so I would be taking removal exam on tuesday... Im gonna be happy if I can make it to atleast INC coz its easier to be that way than to enrol again in that subject, well, I hope that I have a passing grade for me not to take removal exam... :( then there's my Software Engineering and AFL, Im praying that I passed there coz if not then Im dead... @_@
this day is really devastating... errrr.. since I woke up... have no idea why...
we had some laugh trips with my friends... ^_^ the information hiding technique... *woooosssshhhh* *pose* LOLZ!!! XD
My blogsite now has its own domain name... ^_^
WWW.LONELY-ASCETIC.TK
s0metimes I wished s0me0ne out there will find me; x__X; 10/15/2005 07:19:00 PM
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
My Life After...
Finally my Job at the bank is now over, really over.. :( Im happy and a little bit sad, sad because Im not going to be with them anymore and I'm going to miss them... :( last friday they've given us a farewell party, Im so touched, they told us that it's their first time to throw a party for their student trainees and Im really happy to know that fact, its really touching.. ^_^ and then time came that we bid farewell to each other, darn, I wanted to cry that time... T__T I was controlling my self for them not to see that I'm really sad leaving my new found friends... ^_^
Happy, because I already finished my work there, no more hang-ups about the work, no more over time... other than that, it's over.. finally over.. but hei!!! cheer up! I can go to the bank anytime I want, they have said it.. hehehe... ^_^
Then yesterday it's our time to treat them... ^_^ they loved what I bought.. hehehe, a 8 X 12 black forrest cake... *drools* eon, we had merienda's with them... ^_^ then I made a gift for them,(I slept around 5 am that morning to make those gift boxes.. ^_^ it's worth it nman...) those who are closest to my heart... Ma'am Gigi, Ma'am Dolly, Ma'am Elle, Ma'am Jackie and Ma'am Em... it was just a sign pen then I made a box full of design with love and tender.. XD.... hehehe, they liked the idea and how did I make the gift.. ^_^ I wish I could posted it in here... ^_^
Tomorrow will be my judgement day... Final eXam... T__T have to study later until midnight.. that's it for now.... ^_^
----------------------------------------------------
there are times that I wanted to tell what you really are to me but I think that it is better for us to stay this way, no one will be hurt... i hope so...
s0metimes I wished s0me0ne out there will find me; x__X; 10/12/2005 07:15:00 PM
High
High
The Speaks
Whenever you're with me
Im trying so hard to find sweet serenity
Im still afraid Just close your eyes and dream
Feel it fade away
Time won't flow
Everyone knows
When the pain fades away
Dreams wont die
Tears in our eyes
You got to hold your hand up high
Ye...yey
Hold your hand up high
Just take it sometime
Doubt give enough will
To change your state of mind
Just try to understand
Its not so hard to see
That i am just a man
Time won't flow
Everyone knows
When the pain fades away
Dreams wont die
Tears in our eyes
You got to hold your hand up high
Ye...yey
Hold your hand up high
Whenever you're with me
Im trying so hard to find sweet serenity
Just try to understand
Its not so hard to see
That i am just a man
Time won't flow
Everyone knows
When the pain fades away
Dreams wont die
Tears in our eyes
You got to hold your hand up high
Ye...yey
Hold your hand up high
s0metimes I wished s0me0ne out there will find me; x__X; 10/10/2005 02:17:00 PM
Rants and Raves
The Unknown
. Julia Luz De Leon
. Mackii, Jhoey, Lot - Lot
. Scorpion
. Sunken Garden, Rune Midgard
. College Bummer
. 16th of November 1985
. Chocolates, Pasta, Pizza, Bread & My Tomodachi XD
. info@lonely-ascetic.tk
. Violence, Internet, Computers
. Who doesn't?
I'm only human, part of me is being weird and unsure... I'm not weird, I'm Gifted...